Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
