So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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