So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
