Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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