Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
