For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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