my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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