I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
this hospital has no fireball
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
