youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
