DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
