Only a mothe r could love this liver
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize