He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
