he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Acid is not a monday night drug
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
