are you still at the devil's house?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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