youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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