I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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