Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
