so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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