Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
