Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
