I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
