Will you blow on my dice?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
