he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
