we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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