A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
