I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i drank out of a bidet.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
