Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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