Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
