Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
