he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
