everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
