I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
