My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
