last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
