and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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