dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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