quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
