It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
