p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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