She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
