Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
