wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
