No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why do cheetos always look like penises
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
