i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
