I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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