omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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