I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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