Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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