Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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