my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
