im about as happy as oj after his trial
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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